In Other Words

Ish

It’s going to be a drag having no regular Internet access again. As a matter of fact, that’s really going to piss me off. Everything takes four times as long when you don’t have the internet. That includes learning new things.

I’m hoping I’ll manage to find a way around all of this, cause I don’t want to cut off my connection with the outside world, yet again. For one thing my blog would suffer and I’m starting to enjoy writing here more and more. It certainly becomes easier as you go along. In the beginning you have to think about every entry you write, then slowly you get more and more used to it, until finally you just sit down and get everything out on paper before you really know what hits you.

I can’t even phantom what I wrote like back in the beginning. I should really find some time to read back through everything I wrote. No doubt there would be entries there that would provoke more thought. Half-baked ideas that would do well with some more time in the oven of my mind.

Maybe I can find something that would do well for my third short story (just started in on my second one, I already had a good idea for that). I’ve got this little RL book that I consult for ideas (when ever I think I have a really good idea I write it in there in a few pages), but most of them wont do real well for short stories. They are far to difficult and intricate to tell in just a few pages.

I’m really wandering around today, aren’t I? It’s probably because Fish and Banana are rattling away in close proximity and I can’t complete a single thought, let alone a complete sentence. Oh well, as Banana just said: ‘you got to work with what you got’ and nothing I’ve heard today can be truer than that.

You’ve got to work with what you’ve got, even if it isn’t very much. The trick is making what you’ve got more, so that then you’ve got more to work with. I’m not terribly good at that trick right now. I don’t even have a permanent Internet connection. Too expensive at fifty bucks a month.

I had very few expectations when I came to Australia. One was to be united with Banana, that one went all right. The second was to set up a good life for the two of us and that one could use a little work. I think the same thing is getting me into trouble over here as in Singapore. I’m just no good at putting my head down, putting my blinkers on and grinding away, how ever much I might dislike what I’m currently doing. Of course that would all not be a problem if I could actually find somebody that is willing to pay me money for doing something that I actually enjoy.

I know, I know. That’s the dream, isn’t it? That’s what we all aspire to find. A job that isn’t like a job, yet puts tons of cash in your pocket and tons of friends by your side. A job that only requires exactly as many hours of work as you’re willing to put into it.

I think its partially my many dreams that make it so hard to just put my head down. But then, it is my dreams that make me me, so what do you do? Same as always, I guess, comprimise. I’m reading ‘Porno’ by Irving Welsh right now and he puts it down something like this ‘if the eighties was the ‘me’ generation, and the nineties was the ‘it’ generation then this is the ‘-ish’ generation.’

Dreams become Dreamish, goals become Ghoulish and the self is replaced by the Selfish. Black and white are out of the window, replaced by a set of scales, created by psychologists who admit themselves that Psychology isn't a hard science, but is kind of softish. The softish glow of our own self deception, wrapped around us, like the emperor's new clothes and about just as warming when the cold hard truth settles on us that we're no happier now then we were before and that all our progress has just pushed us closer to the brink of extinction.

posted by Symbol @ 26.4.05